you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
