btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
