They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The beer is more important than you right now.
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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