I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
worst night to have a conscience
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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