did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
