I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
