some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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