In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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