my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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