Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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