I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...