Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."