When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.