i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ttyl tear gas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize