i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.