Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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