i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
