There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
