Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
