apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
