Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize