I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
