I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
