my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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