I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
