Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
