You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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