i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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