and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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