i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
