No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
