Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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