I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
