it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I supernannyed him into submission
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
