I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dicks are not precious.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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