and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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