i just sent this text using only my big toe
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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