im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
