Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
