you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
