Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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