i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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