Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
