I need help removing her.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
