i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
