so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
