Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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