Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
