I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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