Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
