I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
