My first STD was from a foam party
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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