Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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