Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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