I'm really into asian looking animals
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just found a bag of teeth...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
