Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
