the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His nipple licking is glorious
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