I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
