he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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