I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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