Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
