Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
