but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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