As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pants are for mortals
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize