thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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