my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
