Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
