i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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