i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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