Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
