so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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