So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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