I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
