Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
