So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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