I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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