Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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