he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
