Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
