Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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