So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
