Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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