just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize